Apology for the Future

I just want to say I’m sorry
in advance
for everything I’ll someday
do and say
I already regret the gaffes to be:
jokes gone sideways
confessions gone too far,
untimely farts, and bad stories
at length,
to people who’ve already heard them,
playful looks misunderstood,
and every ego-filled utterance
that will force itself from my
too slowly closing lips.
It’s true I’ll sometimes forget
and scratch myself in private
places in public spaces,
or pick my nose in the car
at the stoplight
as if the windows were opaque.
I won’t be able to help glancing
at beautiful women,
or ever stop staring
too long
at you,
as hard as I try, whenever
you’re in the room.
I’m already sorry for all of it,
sorry I can never be as good
a man as you deserve.
I want to apologize
for the future.
Forgive me
for as long as you can.
and please remember then
what I’m telling you now—
I’m sorry
and still trying.

(KZ 2016)

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