Thus Spake Robert Mueller

“When a subject of an investigation obstructs that investigation or lies to investigators it strikes at the core of the government’s efforts to find the truth and hold wrong-doers accountable. ”

“If we had had confidence the President clearly did not commit a crime, we would have said so.”

“Charging the President with a crime was therefore not an option we could consider.”

“The Constitution requires a process other than the criminal justice system to formally accuse a sitting president of wrong-doing.”

Do You Want It Straight Up?

In short, Mueller told the world yesterday that he found evidence of Trump campaign conspiracy with the Russians, and that he was obstructed by the President from finding out more. Mueller made it clear he and his team believe the President committed crimes, but they themselves were not Constitutionally allowed to indict him. Mueller went on to say, as clear as any person who has looked at the Constitution could want, that the only remedy for a criminal President is impeachment. And only Congress can do that.

Robert Mueller spake, and he told us he did his job. Now it’s time for Congress to do theirs. Impeach!

Or Do You Want It On The Snide Side?

So, hey, do y’all remember that one time the President of the United States bragged all about how he could take the elevator down into the street and go up to someone and shoot them dead and get away with it? He was grinning when he said it like some badass outlaw played by a really bad actor in a grade B western. A little drool showed at the corner of his mouth. Do y’all remember?

So, then here’s a question for you. If he did just exactly that, do you think Nancy Pelosi would support impeachment? Or would impeachment still be too “divisive” for her? Would she tell us he “wasn’t worth it.” What else does this outlaw have to do?

Yes, it was a hu-u-uge day in the Circus yesterday. Did you catch the big act, with Robert Mueller himself coming out for a brief routine on the media trampoline? He was controlled, careful, but didn’t distinguish himself. In fact, he looked a little weary, didn’t he?

The View’s Review of his act scores it a 7. He’ll definitely need another round to move up in the honesty rankings. Mueller’s verbal gymnastics did make it clear that Trump broke laws and should be indicted. But Mueller also showed us he’s a ‘good soldier’, and his rules of engagement were clear to him. He was told by his masters that he could not fire on the target of his investigation. He could not indict Trump. So he didn’t. That is up to Congress, and in the U.S. Constitution that takes the form of impeachment.

Mueller’s like a stubborn old sheriff in that same bad cowboy movie, and he clearly doesn’t like what’s going on with the new gang in town. But he obeys his own bosses, corrupt as they are, and won’t take the outlaws on himself. Instead, he hangs up his badge on the wall of Congress, hoping the federal marshals will ride in to save the town and take down the bad guys.

“I’m tired.” he seemed to plead. “Please don’t make me come in and answer these same questions again. I laid it out for you in my report. Now do your fookin’ jobs, for god’s sake.” Okay, Mueller doesn’t say “fookin’” like that. Nobody does. Except that one Irishman in the grade B western, the side kick, you know, the clownish looking guy who drinks a lot and says to the sheriff just before he hangs up his badge, “Can’t you do this one last job, please, man? We fookin’ need you.”

But the sheriff shakes his head sadly, and heads on out into the sunset, leaving the suffering town full of clowns behind him. Close-up to a single tear on his chiseled cheek.

“Ah did mah job,” he says over one drooping shoulder as he rides away. “Now it’s time for y’all to do your’n.”

And as the lights of the Mueller movie fade to gray, the spotlights come back up on the Pelosi Parakeet Parade in the center ring of the Circus.

When the same talking point phrases are repeated word for word by different people, one comes to the abrupt and disconcerting knowledge that you are actually not listening to people at all, but rather to robot clowns in parakeet outfits who are all controlled by a single, central processing unit. Which is malfunctioning.

Keep your ears and mind open for moment and you’ll notice this peculiar echoing effect happening all around you. It’s building up. Something’s coming out of the shadows into the light. There it is! The kids start jumping up and down. “Daddy, Daddy, it’s the Blue Clowns forming up into the Pelosi Parakeet Parade.” A single Clown with a cowbell keeps them all in steady time. Nancy, in the front, has a spectacular set of pearls on today. She calls out, “hold him accountable!” And down the line of clowns in parakeet costumes the call ripples, first to Parakeet Nadler, who squawks, “hold him accountable.” And on to Schiff and the other clown parakeets. Screechers without a real bite, from what I can see so far. Now Nancy caws, “No one is above the law.” And on down the line it goes. “No one… above…No one… above…” “Accountable…Accountable…”

The echoes rise and fade, rise and fade, as around and around and around the Escher Staircase goes the Pelosi Parakeet Parade.

Don’t bother me for a minute. I always love the Parakeet parade.

Here’s some links to keep you busy while I’m watching.

After Mueller’s little speech. Cory Booker’s got the impeachment bug. I hope it’s catching as the flu. Or did Pelosi “inoculate against” that?

And more Dems do, too!

Rep. Salwell says impeach. But go after Barr-behind-bars first. Hmmm? Appealing thought, but a waste of time. C’mon Salwell, you know that’s not what you really want. Don’t accept Pelosi leftovers. Get the full meal deal.

Fox News commentators side with Pelosi. That’s sorta interesting, don’t you think? I think they’re scared of impeachment and trying to support Pelosi is what I think. I love the sunglasses tan, Andy!

Ouchie! Heck, even from the Side I’ve only called the Democrats “cowards” a few times. It’s true, though, even if the truth stings.

Yikes! Stay tuned to find out more. Like, um, who, and why?

But let’s turn our eyes to the future for a minute. Here comes Juliana! This trial will be featured here on the Side next week.

There’s no one left who is really against impeachment except Pelosi. But, like they say in the biz, it only takes one, if it’s the right one. Or the wrong one, I guess.

And guess who’s catching a few headlines again? Hillary’s ba-a-ack, and you better get ready, baby! Maybe she and Joe Biden could run together under the “Depend on Us” banner. Product placement is a done deal.

But I’ve already told you that. From the side.

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