In Search Of Ethical Elephants

Today, for a change of habit, I’m going to do something out of character for the persona I have created to write this blog. I’m going to restrain myself, just a little. I’m going to try to follow my own standards as far as commenting on issues when I don’t have sufficient evidence to say anything intelligent about them at all. I know, I know, I do that all the time. T’is true, indeed, forsooth, and so forth. That is sorta the point of this column, after all. But today, as an experiment, I’m going to wait until both rounds of debating in the Blue Clown Primary Fashion Show are finished, before I begin to make sarcastic and judgmental comments about the different models and their outfits, in a fashion contest that— I will admit— I see as a least somewhat of a charade.

Last night’s round of the Primary Fashion Show, however, was a bit less predictable than I expected. And since tonight’s may hold even more surprises, I’ll hold off ’til the morrow for my snide take on the candidates and their awkward runway stances. I will, however, go ahead and indulge in a few peeks at the mise-en-scene as I watched it on my little screen.

The voice-over lead-in to the big event says “All eyes on the 2020 election” in a pretty groovy type of male announcer voice, pitched just in-between a golf announcer’s whisper and a women’s college basketball color commentator. Not over the top like an “Are you ready to rumble?” feeling, but definitely in the “this is a sporting event“ category, as opposed to the voice used for—as a completely random example— a serious documentary about the climate crisis or a monumental presidential election.

But— and I swear this is true— when I watched this introductory ad for the first time, I actually heard that groovy voice say “All lies in the 2020 election”. No shite. It took me more than a second to translate the truth backwards into the P.R.-speak cliche, “all eyes on.”

So, is it just me, or do NBC’s self-promotional ads about their election coverage feature Joe Biden and Buttegieg prominently?

But, anyway, as I said, I’ll procrastinate the difficult task of making fun of these debating candidates and their media dopplegangers until all the Clowns have had their chance to prance and sashay down the first debate runway. That’s only fair, right? More fair than the DNC’s refusal to allow a climate crisis debate, to reach for another random example. More fair than the way these NBC shills treat the candidates.

Take a look for yourself here, if you missed it yesterday.

For today, View from the Side is going on a little endangered species hunting expedition. Just for pictures, for fook’s sake! No worries, mate. We are off into the teeming jungles where the Red Dinosaurs live, in search of the critically threatened Ethical Elephants. We hope to prove that they have been still spared from complete extinction.

In Search of Ethical Republicans

Breaking news from In Search Of From the Side. There may have been a sighting!! They’re as elusive as Bigfoot, slippery as Nessie, as Fermi-paradoxically-invisible as Aliens, but still for months we’ve been seeking any sign of the old GOP. You know the ones I mean, right? Honest if simple. Believers in the Constitution and the law. Folks who want to protect their families into the future.

We’ve pointed out that this ancient version of Orange Reptile was endangered, and that the Trump family was well known for killing them off. And I’ve pointed out before that old Mitt Romney, stiff necked and conservative as he is, seems to hold a genuine disgust of the criminal Trumposaurus Rex. And why wouldn’t he, if he is actually an honest conservative? Any conservative who believes in the Constitution would have a built-in repulsion to what the Orange Clown-in-Chief believes and does. I would think that real Elephants would be the natural enemies of such a rapacious predator as tRumpus Rex. Good on Romney here for at least giving a trumpet call of warning.

I’ve written before in praise of a few Red Clowns, who have refused to completely don the Orange Costumes their party’s Clown-in-Chief is demanding they wear. Folks like Justin Amash, whose stance on Trump manages to look past the Orange-tinted sunglasses the Trump costumes require to see what is actually true— that Trump must be impeached. And I’ve even apologized to and praised broken clocks like Matt Gaetz, who seems to be lifting his Orange glasses slowly and may be a little surprised by what he is seeing revealed. Maybe he is an ethical elephant.

Yes, folks, we’re glad to announce that there are Ethical Elephant Republicans still alive in the wild! For a while, at least. Are there enough of the species to imagine them surviving this political climate crisis? Or do we need to declare them functionally extinct, only represented by a few fading individuals unable to continue their species into the future?

In Search of from the Side will continue this important exploration into the darkness of the Republican wilderness, looking for any surviving members of the genus Elephantus Honestus. We still have some hope that they will begin to reproduce, and restore a more natural balance to the American Political Ecosystem.

I’ll end for today with these two Supreme Court decisions which have just been announced. Feeling hypernormalized yet?

This story is breaking, and looks on the surface like a positive step. I’m glad I touched on it yesterday. I’ll have more to say about this, for sure. I think the decision is a good one. But I always get a little skeptical when I see that ominous phrase– “for the time being.”

Especially when that decision comes at the same time as this one, allowing highly partisan and manipulative gerrymandering to continue. And we call this a democracy? The Supremes have earned a big ol’ “Jeez loo-fookin’ double-wheeze!!” from the Side for this ugly, undemocratic tune.

The court greenlighted two blatant partisan gerrymanders — one by Republicans in North Carolina (Rucho v. Common Cause) and one by Democrats in Maryland (Lamone v. Benisek) — despite the fact that hundreds of thousands in the two states have been stripped of their voice in Washington by power-hungry politicians. 

These two, seemingly contradictory decisions, could be confusing to you, if you aren’t used to it. Sometimes it can be fookin’ hard to tell what’s what and who’s who in the swirling world of P.R. Burn-em’s Two Party Circus.

Especially when they only get sixty seconds to explain their positions on complex issues. Way to ensure vagueness and triviality, DNC and NBC!

More on that tomorrow, from the Side.

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