Blue Clown Primary Power Rankings 2

Somebody lost in this first showcase of the year-long Blue Clown Primary Fashion Show. These NBC sponsored and presented Dino-Democrat Primary Debates were set-up to create losers. And the biggest loser of all was….(drumroll)… Us! You and me. All of us, including our kids, and grandkids, and generations unborn. We may have lost the very earth itself, in these last two nights, if we don’t rise up and do something about it.

What the first Dinosaur National Debate did— especially in its second round—was push the climate crisis off the election stage almost completely. The DNC would like to make climate a non-issue in the primary, and in doing so, they will lose the general election, and we will lose a stable eco-system in which to live.

The biggest winner of the two night First Democratic Debacle— oh, I mean, ‘Debate’— was the fossil fuel industry, hands down. They were barely challenged. And they didn’t even have to answer a single question.

The Democratic Party seems to be splitting in two. On the one hand, the corporate Dinosaur Dems of Pelosi and crew, and on the other hand a new, still evolving species which is not yet named, a sort of New Green, Semi-Socialist party that is busy finding its voice. That division is not totally marked by age, though. Young Mayor Pete, for example, looks like a newborn Dino-Dem to me. While Bernie Sanders is, of course, an aging progenitor of this emerging Blue-green species. Elizabeth Warren and Jay Inslee are the living examples for the new Democrats, and they both showed that they are prepared to lead us on the path away from extinction and toward evolution.

There were some hilarious moments out there on the Blue Clown Fashion Show Runway. Kamala Harris stuck her foot out and old Joe Biden, being too stiff to look downward, tripped and fell flat on his face. She even gave him an extra push, to be sure he landed hard. Poor old guy. Harris was pretty mean, and that little mean smile didn’t help. But you know, he did her wrong in the past, so I guess she was justified. Beside, what’s that Dinosaur doing in this competition, anyway?

And one more thing was clear as a mountain stream, in the midst of the murky water all around this sad spectacle.

Joe Biden should quit! But I said that even before he started. Jeez loo-fookin’ wheeze! Sometimes I wonder what people are thinking. Give it up, Joe. Just let go.

Predictions are really cool, if you think about it, because you can predict a hundred things wrong and hardly be noticed among the throngs of wrong-guessing predictors. But guess right just once, and you’re golden, Nostra-fookin’-damus, baby! And predictions are really cheap to make, way cheaper than actual bets. So I guess I’ll go ahead and guess wildly at a future so far away that the butterfly hasn’t even flapped its wings yet. I’ll tell you right now, folks, with the absolute certainty of any parlor magician, who will win and who will lose against Trump in November of 2020. I ain’t putting no money on it, though, ’cause my old papa taught me a little something in his short life of gambling. The one thing I will bet on is that the Dems won’t listen to me. They haven’t yet, despite my entreaties. Oh, Cassandra, I know how you feel! But, stupid as it is to make predictions, I’ll go ahead and make a few now, trusting that you won’t remember them later.

First, if Joe Biden runs against Trump, he will lose. Biden is already lost. I don’t think he’ll be nominated, but if he is, he will lose. He’ll even lose to a Trump replacement, in the case of the wildest miracle I can imagine. I cannot foresee Joe Biden as president, under any circumstances.

Second, Buttigieg, if nominated for President will lose to Trump. He just ain’t ready. I don’t think he’s really running for Pres, this time, but rather for the vice-Clown seat. He’s a perfect draw for certain demographics and that’s why he’s been pushed forward so hard by the DNC machine.

But I keep a couple of question marks on Buttigieg??. He’s new enough to the scene, and possibly smart enough, to adapt. I’ve pointed out before that he seems to be a made man by the Dem leadership mafia. But just how made is he? And how smart is he under that conservative Christian military bullshite he’s careful to project? Can he evolve? Or is he one of the last generation of Blue Dinosaurs. Is he a born leader of a doomed species? Or can he evolve? I’m not yet sure, but I’m pretty dang sure he won’t be Pres in 2020 if he runs against tRump. Against Pence? Hmmm….

View from the Side Blue Clown Power Rankings
(Note, these rankings have nothing to do with who is most likely to win the Democratic Primary. In fact, it’s almost a guarantee that the Dems won’t pay any attention to who is actually the best candidate against Trump. These are the best 10 candidates in my own humble view from the Side.)

It’s a tie at the top of the Rankings! Liz and Jay are the clear winners so far, in either order.

1/2— Elizabeth Warren: Elizabeth Warren simply rules, and she’ll dominate Trump if nominated. If I have to explain that to you, I probably can’t explain that to you. But, heck, let’s try anyway. Smart, clear, progressive, strong. Favors impeachment, prioritizes climate protection. She’s got a plan, and I’ve got a good feeling about her. Go Liz! Our first woman president. I would be so proud to vote for her.

1/2—Jay Inslee: He is the only candidate to understand the seriousness of the existential environmental crisis we label “climate”. And he has hands-on experience as Governor of Washington State. He spoke the least of any of the debaters, and he said the most. He got the loudest applause of the first night for his statement that “the greatest danger to the security of the United States is Donald Trump.” He most directly confronted Trump throughout the night, and would stand well against the Orange Don in any one-to-one contest. He’ll beat Trump if nominated. From the Side, he’s the strongest climate candidate and the second strongest head-to-head against tRump. (Warren still having far greater name recognition, and that lawyers savvy.) If he gets in the next debate, I hope he asserts himself a bit more. He’d do great in any one-on-one.

Tied in the next slot are Bernie and Kamala.

3/4—Bernie Sanders: I admire Sanders beyond expression, and agree with almost all of his positions. I was all in for Bernie in 2016. But I’m committed to some weird form of truth on this blog, and the truth as I see it is he’s just a bit past his prime. I can see the decline. Warren holds most of his positions on issues, and she’s sharper, clearer in expression, and she’s a woman. But I’d vote for Bernie if the Dems put him forward. I’m not, however, willing to predict that he will, for sure beat Trump.

3/4—Kamala Harris: Harris was the only person who looked actually good in the second session of Blue Clown Debacle. She should be careful not to smirk so much, though. Just a little, every once in a while.

She impresses me more and more, every time I see her tear the nuts off of some old white guy’s tree. She took Bill Barr-Behind-Bars down so bad he’ll never testify to Congress again unless Trump becomes king. Last night, she made sure that even Viagra will never help old Joe get it going again. He’s gone, done, lost, and the look in his eyes showed it. The worst thing the Dinosaur National Committee could do now is try to resuscitate his iron lung candidacy. Let go of Joe, ‘cause Kamala told you so! She’s my candidate for the next Attorney General. Could she do the same to Trump in the general election? Maybe. But I’ve got no prediction on that. Yet.

Below these top four, in the Side’s Power Rankings, are a group of candidates with strong attributes, but without Presidential appeal at this point. I don’t think any of these, so far, has shown the ability to beat T-Rex.

5 — Tulsi Gabbard: Tulsi, without a doubt, rocks. First, of course, was her strong soldier’s stance against war. This peace candidate gets lots of kudos from the Side. And she kicked the shite right out of that shite-bucket Ryan when he said bull-shite about the Taliban. She impressed me all night long with her strong anti-war ethics and her clear responses to questions. There’s a fierce look in that lady’s eye that I really like. Not President yet, but Secretary of State or even of Defense. Go, Tulsi! She could easily take tRump in a fair fight, mano a mano. But elections ain’t fair.

6 —Cory Booker: Dude’s well spoken and clear headed. Booker’s Spanish was better than O’Rourke’s, and he’s not even from Texas. I like Booker, but his priorities don’t bring him to the top of a Climate Voter’s rankings. He might stand pretty well against tRump. But I’m not sure he’d save us from the climate crisis, even if he won. I’ve got my eye on him rising in the Side Rankings if he picks up on the climate crisis more.

7—Julian Castro: Won the Spanish competition hands down! He was the only one who could really speak that shit comfortably. I like this dude, but he’s not there yet. Knowing the code for the immigration law was cool, but repeating it so many times was weak. Use your research but don’t try to show it off, dude. He moved up in the rankings, but he’s not really a player, yet.

8—Bill deBlasio: He is of the sub-species Male-us Interruptus. A bit of a Dino Dem, but it would be more than a little bit amusing to watch him and tRump interrupt each other during a one-on-one. I include him for his appeal to others, more than to myself. But he had some views that I agreed with. And he made himself heard.

9—Pete Buttigieg: I’m leaving him in the top ten for the WTF-do-I-know factor. He’s young. He’s gay, which is pretty cool, I guess. He seems to be learning, and he’s a fast learner. He’s also a DNC made man, which makes him a player in a primary campaign run by the Dinosaur National Committee, but it makes me a little nervous. What if he actually is as conservative as he seems?

10— Marianne Williamson: She’s my pick for Court Witch and Spiritual Advisor. Is there such a cabinet position? That final spell she put onto Trump got my attention, for sure. She busted out a Love Spell to bring him down and I hope it works! I’m leaving her in the Power Rankings top 10 for that, and for her cool views from the far Side.

As far as the rest of those clowns, I just don’t know. Biden was gone the day he stepped in the race. Let go, Joe. ‘Nuff said there.

And I got nothing nice to say about the rest of those jokers. You know what my mom said about that. But I guess if I had even once listened to my mom I wouldn’t be writing this column, that’s for dang sure.

So, fook the rest of those shite-buckets. They’re all well-intentioned, smart, accomplished, I know, I know. But won’t they just quit, already, so that we can actually hear something meaningful from the ones who matter. Or, don’t worry about it. The DNC will ditch their sorry selves quick enough, along with the best candidates in the field. That’s what those Dinosaurs do, doncha know?

And, despite what my mom said, here are a few random snippets about the Debacle from the snide Side.

You do realize that there are two different races going on here, one for the presidential candidacy, and one for the VP slot. Gabbard, young Mayor Pete, many of the wannabes, are really just setting themselves up for that second slot.

So, Hickenlooper said gas companies are part of the solution to climate change. Say what? Yang wants to give us all money. That’s cool, man. But seriously now. Klobuchar looks like my childhood friend’s mom. He was always trying to give away the sandwiches she made at lunch. Ryan uses the phrase “playing offense” twice in his short closing statement. Bad form, dude. Then, the next night, Gillibrand uses the same phrase. Cliche penalties all over there.

Enough! This Blue Fashion Show’s still got a whole year to go. A lot can change by then, and many butterflies will be flapping their busy wings. I’ll be flapping my own over here on the Side, and keeping my eyes on the sky, until the morning comes.

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